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about

Roger Says

Have you ever finished up your shopping and been ready to leave the store, only to be detained by someone who wants to check your receipt against the items in your cart? This song is about those receipt checkers, toiling away in the exit lanes of retailers across the nation. The unsung heroes of late-stage capitalism: the courtesy patrol.

lyrics

When you’re stuck on the side of the road and you can’t get where you want to go, that’s when we come sweeping in to fix you up and get you going again. Empathy in traffic control: the courtesy patrol.

When you’re out on the town with your friends, and you do something that causes offense, that’s when we come sneaking in, to set you straight so you don’t do it again. Harmonizing social roles: the courtesy patrol.

We keep watch to see that everything’s all right. We keep watch to see that you’re all polite. No there’s nothing creepy about it at all, it’s just a courtesy: a courtesy patrol.

When you’ve got what you need at the store and you’re headed out of the door, that’s when we come
leaping in, checking receipts before you go again. Euphemistic loss control: the courtesy patrol.

[Never forget an anniversary again with our automated courtesy solutions. Our sophisticated algorithms will craft personalized messages, perform regular check-ins, and send special gifts designed to ease the maintenance and improve the status of your personal relationships.]

We want you to be happy. Why won’t you be happy with everything we do for you? Everything we do?

credits

from Executive Dysfunction​/​No Returns, released September 1, 2023
Lyrics: Rex
Music: The Autocorrect, Andy Wilke (emeritus)

Vocals: Chris
Drums, samples, synths, vocals: Rex
Bass VI, bass: Richard

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The Autocorrect Champaign, Illinois

People used to type things incorrectly. Then we came along.

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